something simple

The sun came out today!

HALLELUJAH!

2 losses, 1 day

For Christmas, I got David a Senegal Parrot. We went to the pet shop, picked him out and brought him home in the freezing weather. It was a massive undertaking since most of the city streets were blocked off...but it was worth it! The bird was there for Christmas morning and was an extremely affectionate pet, even if a little bit suicidal. He fell more than any bird I've ever seen. On top of his cage on his little playpen, he would just take a flying leap onto the floor. His wings were clipped, so grace was never seen and there was no way of softening the fall. He didn't care, he'd hobble over to one of us wanting to be held.

Yesterday, he sat on the bottom of his cage and wouldn't come out. When David got home he wouldn't chirp. He picked him up and it was clear he no longer had the use of his legs. We ended up naming him NoNaMe (no-na-mi), it was my joke since David hadn't come up with a name yet, but it stuck. It was clear NoNaMe wasn't going to make it. We still don't know what happened. I asked Parker if he gave him any brownie...he said no, chocolate kills birds. So I don't think he was fed anything he shouldn't have been. I hadn't cooked in a few days on anything Teflon, so it couldn't have been that. We don't know what happened, but he died. This was a rough blow for our family and a rough blow for our animal parenting confidence.

Later, I was checking my e-mail and received one saying that David's grandfather passed away. I didn't want him to discover it the next day at work, so I had to tell him about that as well. It was really sad. I don't have any pictures of him. This summer we went to a family reunion in Washington that was really in honor of him. He had Alzheimer's so he wasn't really responsive at that time, though there was occasional recognition. His grandmother is still alive and I know that she will miss him dearly as she spent a large portion of these last few years looking out for him. He will be greatly missed by children, grand-children and great-grandchildren. He left quite a legacy as there are a ton of them!

After breaking that sad news, I didn't know what to do. I made blueberry muffins. I couldn't think of anything else.

tracking

Holland Edition/Addition: Special Delivery

estimated DOD: July 31st

We are in week 12. Not past it yet, so I don't feel too safe to announce, but because I'm already showing and the people around me are going to start asking questions...I have to just go ahead and announce that child number 4 is inside of me!

After I returned from my girlcation in Nepal, finished the run of the musical Shoah in Amsterdam and filmed a short movie in Leiden, went to an audition in Paris ( where coincidentally, I told them I was NOT pregnant!) and made a nice Thanksgiving family dinner, with school events sprinkled throughout...I had a few days of some down time. During that time David and I discussed how my career could finally start with the kids in school and whether or not we should have one more child - there was this feeling that one was missing. We had to choose one or the other because my body was demanding it...we couldn't do both. We went to the Temple specifically to ponder and fast over this issue. We left feeling disappointed because we didn't get an impression one way or the other. Try (because trying is a HUGE thing for my body!) or move on? For the first time (we thought!) we left without an answer or even a feeling one way or the other about a major decision. Later, we would find out that Heavenly Father didn't need to answer us in a recognizable way, because he had already placed the little blessing in our lives. A few days later, I literally was so tired that I couldn't even stay awake as I crawled up the stairs to my bed and then slept for a solid 3 hours. I woke up with Parker sitting beside me asking if I was ok. I thought "something is wrong with me, I don't have a doctor in this country, but I need to see one! I can't even stay awake to look after Parker - thank goodness he is a solitary, good little soul! Maybe I have the flu or mono." and a few minutes later I felt impressed to take a pregnancy test. As if! (I won't get into it in-depth, but let's just say that the percentage of my just getting pregnant at this point is like .001%) I took it anyway - why not? I always love a little bit of negativity in my life and I am a glutton for punishment. That thing turned positive so fast! I took another one (after forcing liquids down)! And an even quicker response!

That evening I got to do a classic! I lied to David (and not well!) that there was something wrong with the oven. He turned it on rather than look inside (he is far too practical!). I turned it off. After coaxing him to check, he opened it and inside were the tests and a single bun. I finally got to do it! He has always been around when we find out...which always ruins my ability to surprise him. But not this time.

The photo above is of our first ultrasound at 6 weeks. Or at least what the ultrasound called 6 weeks. We had another on Christmas Eve and the baby has grown and appears to be healthy. I have another appointment soon and hopefully we will have good news from that one as well.

I keep wondering HOW I went from being infertile to having 4 children...I wonder if I really needed to feel all of the anxiety and pressure. Now that I am standing in this spot...I say, yes. Yes, I needed to go through that. I still feel like I'm fighting against some unseen foe, trying to have a family, unable to figure out how to accomplish my goals, wondering what is wrong with me and what God wants me to do, and desperately trying to figure out if I have TRUE faith or just pretend when I question why I have these particular trials and others don't...but what I realize is that others DO have the trials that I went through for many years. And while I have somehow been blessed with not one, but four beautiful, magnificent children, there are still others who have not. I wonder how I ended up in this new category and exactly when I got here. I don't think I can ever feel fully comfortable in this column of labels because I spent so much agonizing and painful time in the other. We are so very blessed. Miracles happen! I have tangible proof in Madelyn, Angelina, Parker and now this little cupcake...

mmmmm....cupcakes. Sounds good!

Oh! Let the predictions begin! Guess date and approximate time: there will be a special prize involved. You can change it as many times as you want, but your last guess will be the one that counts and the bidding closes on July 1st.

snow day

We had a very busy day on December 19th. First it snowed...LOTS! We got our gear on and made the best of being snowed in.

We had a small snowball fight. Then we tried to pretend to be angels. Then we tried to build a snow man. The snow was far too soft. David and I went inside and left the children to their own devices. They recreated the pyramids of Giza as well as the Sphinx. Parker believed he was the construction engineer...but with two big sisters who knows for sure. While we didn't get a picture of the pyramids that day, they would come in handy during our firework display on New Years.

We spent the rest of the day setting up nativities, placing stockings and decorating our tree. It was smaller this year, but it was real!

Birthday in 2010

We DID have birthdays in 2010 - I just didn't blog about them. Time to play some catchup though!

Each child lived another year. YAY! One of our more important goals each year is to keep them alive to see the next.

Parker turned 4 in May. He chose an orange cake and to go eat at Chili's. It was his favorite food place in Doha...not for the food, but for the giant playground upstairs.

Angelina turned 9 in Rotterdam. She chose an ice cream cake and to have me make her honey-pecan chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner. The big "hartelijk gefeliciteerd" means happy birthday in dutch. See why I hate this language so much???? On a side note...I put two of those vienna ice cream cakes together for her birthday cake, they were super cheap and actually really tasty! She wins the award for least effort on her celebratory dessert.

Madelyn turned 8 in Rotterdam as well. She wanted cupcakes and to go eat at Garcia's. That restaurant is one of the few good ones here. You go to a meat buffet, put it on skewers and grill it at your table. It is fun and yum. Rare here. She did burn herself that night...but we made it through. You can see the pathetic cupcakes in this picture...it is a dutch mix. They are called fairy cakes and do NOT count as cupcakes in my opinion.

It has been a big year for these 3 munchkins. We didn't celebrate with friends this year because Parker had his little playgroup in Doha and the girls were brand new in school and everyone else seemed to be having their parties at the same time. We might do a non-birthday party for them later. Besides, last year I went all out. See Lanning Family: retro birthday. I needed a break, the kids needed a break and it was really nice to just celebrate with our little family. I look back to last year and see how very much they have grown and changed...sometimes being a parent isn't fair! I'm glad they are all still cute though! There just isn't as much cheek to pinch and smooch on anymore.

Merry Christmas!

and Happy New Year!