birthday surprises

Amongst expat children there is no greater moment than their birthday party. In Oman it was the social event of the year for everyone with each and every party. I remember dropping Angelina off at a party with a butler walking around with sushi for the parents and another with a circus (literally) in the backyard. In Doha they weren't quite as big, but still important. Bringing a gift was traditional at both places...or not. It didn't matter, you could bring one if you wanted or not worry about it at all. There was no pressure...really. Certainly for my own children's parties I just want kids to come, don't worry about the present, just show up for the party! I knew some dutch families in Oman. They told me that birthday parties here weren't so extravagant and that it was nice to have a cake, sing songs open presents and go play in the child's room. When I arrived, one of the first things I asked all of the other moms about were birthday traditions here. Mostly, because I knew that the invites would start rolling in soon and also, I have two November birthdays to consider and start planning for. YES - I KNOW - sometimes I get carried away...last year I did for sure with the pirate and princess party...but that isn't what this post is about. It's about PRESENTS and the expectations that go along with attending a party. In America, traditionally you open the presents in front of everyone in attendance. In Oman and Qatar you waited until everyone was gone because it was not required for people to bring them and this emphasized that fact.

This is MY personal take on the whole thing...I do not expect people to bring presents to my own child's party, I think it is nice if you do but not a big deal if you don't. We always bring presents to be on the safe side. I allow my children to help select something individually for the birthday boy/girl so that it is special and thoughtful. I truly do believe in the "it's the thought that counts" sentiment and as such a present is almost always preferred over giving the child a gift card. If money is insisted upon (which I think is rude...I DO!) then we can at least make it as personal as possible by finding a great card or rigging up some ingenious way of presenting the money.

Anyway, I was informed by some local moms that gifts within the range of 10-15 Euro is what is expected at birthday parties. This would purchase something small. I was prepared. Angelina was invited to a double birthday party (so was Parker earlier but we couldn't attend) with two classmates. I believe one is from China and one from India. We RSVP'd and the party is coming this Saturday. I received an e-mail this morning:

Dear all

As we know it's Child #1 and Child #2's birthday this Saturday , their parents will like us to contribute gift money
instead of individual gifts.

Just for the information of the new parents... Sometimes it's a better
idea to collect gift money instead of individual gifts so that the
birthday child can have a gift of his / her choice .

But this is optional you can contribute if you want to . Anything
between 10 to 15 euros per child is reasonable enough. You can find
me at the playground after school, or you can send the money school in
a closed envelope with your name on it. Ask your child to hand over
the envelope to their teacher.... I will collect it from him by the end
of the day.

If you have any query pls contact me.

Thank you

Parent's name
(some other child's mom)

Of course, I changed a few things up....to protect their identity.

SO! What's up with this?!?!?! really, do I send the money? What are they planning on doing with it? Putting it in an envelope from "all of the class"? Or purchasing a gift card of some type? Why do we need to send in the money ahead of time? Why can't we just give it to them at the party. And why does this feel more like a cover charge than a gift? Am I just totally off base here? Or is this pretty rude and sad for the kids. I mean, I read this really cool article about creative ways of gifting money. Some of them were totally cool! I honestly, can't wait to try some of them out. But what? These poor birthday girls get an envelope with money in it? No cards from their classmates with the money inside? Nothing that personally states their name and well wishes for a great birthday? This seems sooooo impersonal. And it isn't what I was told was traditional for this area. That is why I'm scratching my head so much...WHAT do they intend to do with that money? Are we funding the party?

I DID send out an "i'm confused" e-mail in response...it was very nicely worded, but I haven't gotten a response back. I think this may be a year for a family only birthday party...I really don't wish to be a part of this kind of "give me money ahead of time" thing.

Perhaps someone could shed some light...