fallin"

I did. I fell off the ends of the earth...somewhere along the way I crawled back up. Mostly, a fellow blogger texted me asking me what was up.

so....what WAS up?

I spent some time in Paris with my family which included my mother-in-law and brother-in-law. I'll post seperately about that. Then my mother came to visit Muscat.

But mostly I have felt terrible because my audition was stinky...I was horrid, but I also kept wondering when someone was going to point to a hidden camera and tell me to smile. It was ridiculous. Then I started working with the company in a strange capacity...and it gets messy and I really want to share, but I haven't figured out how to do it diplomatically without sounding like I should have a mole on my nose and wear a pointy-black hat and cackle devilishly. I want so badly to share...so others don't make mistakes. Everytime I come on to type in my blog I hit a writers block. And after the disaster of all of the mess associated with that audition and the following endeavors associated with it....I realize how artistically stifled I am here. I went to the Royal Omani Symphony Orchestra the other night and was underwhelmed. I don't know if I blame the actual symphone because the guest conductor was a terrible conductor. I don't know how anyone could possibly follow him...and the oboeist was a jerk who felt he was superior to anyone there. But also, I was shopping by myself yesterday and I realized, if I were at home, someone would be shopping with me. We would be bantering back and forth, theorizing whatever and whomever, laughing, grabbing a bite to eat, singing, dancing and have a jolly good time. I don't have that here. Will I ever? I'm ok without friends though, if I could just feel like I am being creative and growing as an artist. Maybe I am...maybe this solitary kind of life is helping get some inner strength or perhaps it is crushing my spirit. I can't decide. To make matters all the more worse, one of my best friends is getting married in March and I tried on my beautiful bridesmaid dress....and it wouldn't zip! So, now I'm not only suppressed artistically, but I am also getting fat. I have to now drop the weight off before the wedding. That takes actual effort and I am finding it difficult to be motivated in the direction of cardio workouts and getting rid of sodas and drinking lots of water.

So...there you have it. That is why I have dropped of the sides of the earth. Don't worry though, I'll be back shortly...as soon as the dress fits again most likely.